Rhod Gilbert on BBC Radio Wales.

ロッド・ギルバート。

If you are listening to this, you are listening to Rhod Gilbert's Best Bits, some of the best bits of my Saturday Morning radio show, live on BBC Radio Wales. This week, I'm in the studio in Cardiff with Mr. Chris Corcoran.

ロッド・ギルバート。

Hello. / Hello. How're you doing? / Good. It's nice to see you. / It is a long time since we've done the show together. What's interesting as well is, I came in at half past ten today, very early, which means it's gonna be a bad show / half-decent show when / prepared / bad sign / prepared a lot / you never / I like to have bits / newspaper / you know that / never get around to them / like a cat, you just spread a newspaper out / when / comfort / isn't it? / even use it in that way either. / Hey, do you know what? / talking / preparation / In fact, this / it's gonna be a rubbish show today. It's gonna be really bad. / look forward to this / take stuff out / I know / gonna be a bad show because I'm saying things like / through / Well, I've got two quizzes prepared. / Oh, amazing. What are they, then? / I've never prepared ... I normally ... I normally prepare a quiz during a song. I've got two. I've got one ... you can choose if you want. / Yeah. / Oh, my word ... I've got three quizzes. / Fantastic. Well, that's it. Let's just do one now / bad feeling about this / we coul do quiz all day / one is, uh, General Quiz, I'm calling it / Wow, you are prepared. You / good preparation / (which) do you want / A: General Quiz / B: "Animals in Space" quiz, / Uh, right, OK. / or C: Slug Quiz. I ... / Uh ... / ... I quite ... I quite like Slug Quiz / love / "slug", "in space", "general" / in order of priority / general / Oh, OK. Is there a c__? / Yeah, there is, but / I'm too tired. Do you know why I'm tired? / No. / Well, I'll tell you in a minute. It's got to do with animals.

ういーす。/ 久しぶりだな。 / おかえり。 / 今日はとても早くスタジオに到着した。10:30 だ。普通は一分くらいしか準備をする時間がないんだ。今日は準備をし過ぎた。ろくなショーにならない。/ いつもは新聞をバーっと前に広げるだけだよな。新聞紙を広げとけば安心する。猫と同じだ。/ 猫とは使い方が違うけどな。 / いつもは音楽がかかっている間にクイズを考えるんだが、今日は事前にクイズを用意した。2 つ / すごいじゃないか / ... じゃなかった。なんてこった 3 つ用意した。/ 準備のしすぎた。いやな予感がする。 / 一日中クイズしてるつもりか。/ 一個目は、何ていったらいいかな .... なぞなぞクイズ。 / すごい。用意周到とはこのことだ。 / 「なぞなぞ」クイズ、「宇宙の動物」クイズ、「ナメクジ」クイズ。/ ナメクジがいいな。「ナメクジ」、「宇宙」、「なぞなぞ」の順でやろうよ。 / おれは疲れてんだよ。なんで疲れてるか知ってるか？/ 知らない。なんで？/ ヒントをやる。動物が関係している。

/ talking of slugs / Slug Quiz is on, ladies and gentlemen, / later on. ... if I'm still here / What do you mean? / Well, well ... um ... / let me finish reading this email / should I / should you / you might leave before the show ends / priority is the latter, isn't it? / come back to / start / reading this email / finish / "Re: slugs. Morning, Rhod. Talking of slugs ... / well, I ... / this is what / put me off / luckily / happy ending. / "Talking of slugs, I discovered / right / you shouldn't be / slug / should you? / No. I thought, for a split second, he meant flushing / toilet / image / say / arms 腕があったら / I understand what he ... uh ... forget it. / Yeah. / I thought __ __ / this is / email / slug being rude because it doesn't fl_sh / toilet / cartoon / you thought / somebody / discover / own toilet, found a slug on the toilet, / yeah / then / watched in horror / slug / just slimed out. / Look, I'm not suggesting this was a reality thing. / just the way my brain works / "Hey, Rhod, talking / I presume that it tried to fl_sh. / Clearly. / It's from Kevin __ __. Kevin, don't try / slug, man. / No. / come on. Don't fl_sh a slug. That's my new campaign / T-shirt. T シャツを作ろう / Yeah / happy ending / don't fl_sh / they just climb back out. / Yew___ ... / but you shouldn't be trying / Come on. / No. Put them outside / slug quiz later on / They are a pest. / Well ... you'd be surprised ... / enemy of / you / be surprised / not a pest / rabbits / enemy / something / Yeah, that's true, yeah. / At the moment / Korkey / light-hearted gambol through the newspapers / they still look crisp 新品、ぴっかぴかの新聞だ。/ that has implications. Can you / now / Yeah. ... Basically, you know, at the moment / we've got / Work Experience / it starts in a couple of weeks. Series 5 starts in a couple of weeks. / How is it going? / Well, one of them / a vet. And, in that vet episode, / Huh huh. / I ... there's no other way of saying this, / Huh huh, / artificially inceminated a pig. / Well done. ... Congratulations. / saying it, but all / less pleasant than that. / Yeah, yeah. ... OK. / choosing a diplomatic way. / Good / turky / of course / how else / Well, quite ... I don't know. I'm ... / Bicycle pump? No. / ... If you are in a hurry. / ... Yes. / just line them up, Brenda. / So, anyway, / yeah, / anyway, pig / artificially inceminated this pig, / OK, / Dotty, her name was / nice name. / Yeah. Thank you. / Uh ... three months, three weeks, three days. That's supposed to be / adjustation__ period / three / pig / Yesterday, due date. / Right, / Yeah. Me ... me, proud father, __ up, / waited all day / this is / pay off to the show / waited / midnight last night. / Oh, no. / Not happening. ... She's pregnant, / Is it her first one, 'cause often / later / fourth litter. I / before me / I'm not the first / has she? / Uh ... and I waited and waited and watied and waited and waited / Right? / and sang / did you do the breathing? / was she in labour? Or / doing stuff / pigs do / pig stuff / pig stuff happening / stuff that suggested that she / baby / Well, I can't say it on air. / what do you mean / I can't / if you pick up / bring / she'__ rumbling around / was she whining an / you know / having labor pains? / she's / pick up / tail / back / understand / that's a horse. You sure you / animal? / actually, __ didn't pick / tail. Forget that / understand / you are not a vet / patronize me. / two days / more than you've done / that's true. / when / back of a pig, / yeah? / there are ways that have, in the industry / vet / knowing what's happening, then? What could you see? And what would you know that I don't know? / what can I see / backend of a pig? / Yeah. / Oh ... __ __ Babilon __ __ __ __ __ majestically / what / you wanna see / at the back of a pig? / I don't want / graphic description / labour-specific, pregnant-pig-relevant information. / I can't / you are / describe / the back of a pig 昼メシどきに豚のケツの話なんかできるか。 / at lunchtime on radio. / All right / backend of / there is another face. ... Here we are. ... There is another face / matching / front / Pigs are reversible. You didn't know that / push me pull you / At the back, there are lady pig parts ... / Yes, obviously. / ... and some of them are behaving in a way consistent with __ __ about it / give / about / all I needed to say ... it's quite difficult to say that / vet / cow. / I know / All right. No need to get defensive / was my leg / it was my leg / I was doing it wrong / I was told off / my first attempt / It's not your fault. No one can expect / which limb / anyway / stand-by, the pig / done anything / me as ... me as father/vet / yeah / it could happen any time now / where is the pig? / I haven't brought her in, have I? 350 kilos. / could be / very good / what it is / pig / brought in / I'm just trying to work out / how long is it gonna take to / if you / it's in 25 minutes away / OK. How long / pig labour last? / about half an hour / tight / you've got five minutes / No. ... Yeah, / get / I could leave immediately / and I __ have five minutes to spare / Wow. / Yeah. / you might get the call. / I could get the call. / off / like a vet. Like a vet / I was just thinking of that / come up with that / wow / I'm gonna / like a vet. / So, what's the plan? / plan / what do you mean "the plan"? / plan is, if she gives birth / piglets / have / where / gonna live / we've got a little house / deposit saved up / what are you thinking? / deliver / not gonna live together / before you get a pig pregnant / these things through / yeah, I know, but / didn't think it through / just happened / Jeremy / bottle of white __ __ __ __ one thing led to another.

「ナメクジ」クイズ / ナメクジと便所。 / 最近のナメクジは、トイレで用を足した後に流しもしない、困ったものだ ... てことじゃないのね？ / ナメクジ社会におけるモラルの低下を問題にしているのではない。ナメクジが流れなくて困っている、と言ってるんだ。 / 「ナメクジを便所で流そうとしてはいけない」キャンペーン実施中。/ T シャツもあるよ。/ 流しても這い上がってくる。 / 2 週間後、「ロッドの職場体験」の新リリーズが始まります。/ どんな感じ？ / そのうちの一回が、俺が獣医を経験する回なんだが ... なんて言ったらいいのか、これしか言いようがないから言うけどもさ、というか、これ以外にも言い方は色々あるんだが、ほかの言い方はこれより汚い表現ばかりなんだ。/ 豚の種付けを遂行した。 / ほほお。/ 豚の名前は __ / いい名前じゃないか。/ ありがとう。/ 今考えたにしては。 / 昨日が予定日だった / 俺がはじめての男じゃないよ。/ 予定日は？/ 昨日だった。けど、生まれなかったんだ。/ 初めてのお産だったのか？ / 尻尾を持ち上げてやって ... / そりゃ馬の話だろ。おまえ、確かにそれは豚だったのか？よく思い出してみろ。 / 陣痛は？/ 偉そうに言うな。獣医でもないくせに / おれは 2 日間獣医を経験した。おれはおまえより 2 二日分余計に獣医としての知識を蓄積している。 / 豚のケツには顔がある。豚は前後交換可能だ。知らなかったろ。/ 今にも電話が鳴るんじゃないかと。 / 豚のお産というのはどれくらい時間がかかるものなんだ？ / 受付に来てるんじゃないのか？トニーはいいやつだから ... / こちらから向こうへ向かったらどうだ？ 時間はどれくらいかかる？ / 今すぐしたくして出かければ、間に合う上に５分ほど余裕があるな。 / オレは、父というか、獣医として、/ それで、おまえ、これからどうするつもり？ / どうするって？子豚が生まれたらどうするって ... 家を買わなきゃ、頭金貯めなきゃ ... って、んなわけねーだろ。 / ぜーんぶウソ。

Hold the fort. I / printer because / still / I / printer / still nowhere near the presenter / go and get it / probably / to be honest / and get back / I was at the printer / nobody would notice. / said something / what do you want / what do you want / supposed to / like that. / your ear / could be something important / and it never is / say things xxxxxxxxxx / what / important / could be breaking news, it could be breaking news. It could be / Obama's go into a fight / in a leisure center in Cardiff / could be something like that / could be due / NATO here. Everyone's on edge. / about Barak Obama / Angela Merkel could have / what was it? / something / pig / hang on a minute / pig joke / is that / this'd better be good. Right. ... Right. This is what you wanted, producers. OK / here we go. This is what / interrupted / "Hi, Rhod. Is this / case of From Russia with Love

コーキー、ちょっと間をもたせておいてくれ。プリンターまで行ってくるから。プリンターはいまだにはるか遠くに設置されている / どうしようかな、スタジオを抜け出して豚のお産を見に行ってこようかな。「プリンターのとこに行ってます」と言っといてくれ。 / 何の用？/ 「何の用」って、そんな挨拶はないだろ。/ 重大な知らせかと思って電話を取るじゃないか。でも、重要であったためしがない。 / 何か重大なニュースかと思って、電話をとるじゃないか、ウェールズに NATO が来てるんでみんなピリピリしてるんだ。オバマが地元のレジャーランドで係員のおっさんともめてるとか ... / で、豚についてのジョークを書いてよこしたわけだな？面白くなかったら承知しないよ。

I was supposed to go to a festival the other day. __, I was caught up with editing Work Experience / festival. I had lovely yacht booked. / sounds great / I know / nice little break / never get / Saying that, I / holiday / after this show today / Where are you going? / Wales / just up the road in Wales. I usually holiday in Wales. / Yeah / find / well, you have to / you know, / promote it, __n't you? / I have to. / You are not allowed to go anywhere else / Plus, I've got a dog. / Uh, yeah. / I haven't sorted out / pet passport. / Uh ... us that / be able to take / abroad / where / take a dog on a plane / doesn't go in / of course it / you can't put a dog / passenger's __, though / can you? / well / I don't know I'm looking through the production team. Everyone's looking / each other / luggeges / why are you talking like a Japanese person? / I'm not talking like a Japanese person. I'm talking like a person of no specific / geographic / very specifically Japanese / stereotypically Japanese accent. / No. If I wanted to do / OK / get it bang on as well / All right / I could get it / get it so accurate you could name the postcode in Tokyo / オレがその気になったら、あらゆる種類の日本人アクセントをまねることができる。郵便番号が違えばアクセントも違う。/ dog in a plane / film. I've got no idea where they put a dog. / You / tall people, you can put them / by the exit / yeah / driver goes in the front bit / everyone else goes in a chair / Everyone else goes / it's like minus ... it's like minus 50 degrees down there / pressurized, / right / put / hat / pressurised, is it? / must be / good point / do you know what? / I usually / why are they there?" Right? Usually. But / to be fair / come up / interesting / special hold ... uh ... / she's on the internet. Look at / so, there's a little pressurized bit / what not / and stick insects and stuff / all in one big cage / all in together with slugs / there you go / apprently / after ten years / the show / paid off / eventually / abroad / take, uh, Rosy with you / I suppose now I / specialized, pressurized bit / did want to go / sounds like / be down there / specialized / like then, flying in a fast jet / which I did / Work Experience / did you puke everywhere? / Yeah. / yes / I left that plane / one / so much / that / when I left / sick / I'm actually carrying / roughly my, sort of, / inside / or outside / I'd say, 48% of myself in bags / stand / myself / piggy b__ / tell / stop / slow down a bit / miles / stop / the only way of / out / by pulling the ejector seat / worse / disappearing into space / I've done / parachute jump / amazing. / I know, but not attached to a seat / plane / I bet / I bet / one of people / back / thingy / at best, hungover South African man / huh / probably still drunk / he / tangled up / your parachute / just on his way / anyway, yeah, / that / it / all coming up / next series / this month, sometime / Animal in Space Quiz / do / quizes / do a quiz / I'm sure / have / slug / anything / that's today's feature / slug / anything / just anything / no confusion there / which is / most / confusion / it is / be clear / what they are / slugs / hang on / Slugs? / question mark / That's good.

フェスティバルに出かけるはずだったが ,,, / 予約してたのに ... / 旅行に出かける / どこへ？ / ウェールズ内だけどな。プロモートする義務がオレにはあるんだ。/ ほかに遊びに行っちゃだめだよ。/ 行かないさ。犬もいるし。犬を飛行機にのせるための手続きとかしてないし。 ... 犬って、飛行機のどこにのせるんだろう？/ 知らねえ。こうして制作スタッフの顔を見回しても、みんなお互い顔を見合わせるばかり。 / 飛行機の格納庫は -50 度だぞ。気圧も低い。/ 犬猫用の特別な凹みがあるそうだよ。気圧も調整されてる。/ 制作スタッフは何のためにそこに突っ立ってるのかと思ってたが、初めて役に立ったな。 / そのうちロージーを連れてったらいいよ。 / 吐きまくった / そりゃもう。あまり吐きまくったおかげで ... しまいには、ゲロ袋とおれ自身、どちらにより多くの俺が入っているのかわからなくなったくらいだ。だいたい、俺の 48% がゲロ袋に入っていた。 / 脱出すればよかったのに。スカイダイビングは楽しいよ。/ 座席にくくりつけられた状態ではあまり楽しくなかろう。/ 俺がやったときは、酔っぱらいの南アフリカ人にくくりつけられてた。そいつはいまだに酔っ払ってるだろうな。

Now then, / slug / hang on a minute / I'm ready / on the floor / on / floor / you've got to pick up slug quiz / all right / I'm holding the fort / hear that / one word from the production team / printer / go / back in a moment. / Ladies and gentlemen, __ __ a short break / Mr. / the printer. / "Rhod and Korky / I now know about slugs / Huh huh. / oh, god / Go on. / Korky / only thing / about / lead singer in Madness." ... Yeah, I know who's Johnny M__ is / production / let him off / name / being kind / leave / right / OK. ... Slug Quiz ! / Slug Quiz ! / OK / how / work / ask you about slugs, and then, uh ... / a point / and then / different co-host / completely / else / OK. Great / probably be the only player of Slug Quiz / that's the sort of quiz / sake / win / it depends / No, it doesn't. / It / no points / ok / victory / even the __ is hollow / I know / realize / people / do that / I needed say / out loud / yeah / Slug Quiz ! / Buzzzz ... OK. Just checking the buzzers. / you / buzzer / I know / Question 1. Where ... __ __ __ a trick question coming / I know. The worst thing is, when / trick / up / sleeve / poker-face / I can't help / laugh / Where __ the Spanish Slugs come from? / UK. / No. / Do I get another chance? / What? / Spain. / ... No. / you should / alerted / double bluff / Corcoran / France. / Which part? / Buzzzz. Buzzzzz. / sorry / south / west / no / N__, as they say in western France / question / what's the difference / Buzzzz / Corcoran. / Genetics. / Uh ... I'm gonna have to press you. / Buzzzz. / Yeah / You don't need / first one / still you / OK / genitals / Uh ... I / need more / slug ... male slug / female genitals / I need more. / Right. / very careful because / 25 past 12. / Yeah. ... I know / what's the difference ... / young / carry around / young / male / you are getting better now / in the area of / behavior / male slugs / it's the same as humans. They always approach women / always / chat / women / eventually they / is that your ... is that your breakdown of man and woman, is it / at first / eventually / succumb__ to your powers? Is that / your / play hard-to-get / women / just slugs / trick / yep / they make themselves pregnant / revealed yourself as / sexist / do / pregnant / I remember now / this is interesting, though / question / know / that / can / by / as / into a state / they prefer / mate / as in, like a platonic friend / no / reproduce by themselves / rather / either / through my facts / doesn't say anything about pro__ity / have to come back to it

ロッド・ギルバートはただいまプリンターまで遠征しております。しばらくお待ちください。/ ナメクジクイズの時間です。挑戦者は ... おまえだけ。勝利が約束されている。/ こういうクイズ好きだなあ。/ 第一問 ... プッ / 何笑ってるんだよ。/ すまん。おれにはポーカーフェイスは無理だ。ひっかけ問題を出すとき、どうしても笑ってしまう。... それでは第一問。 スパニッシュ・スラグの原産地は？/ ... うー ... スペイン。 / ひっかけ問題だと言ったろ！ / だから、逆にスペインかと。/ ... / オスのナメクジとメスのナメクジの違いは？/ ええとね、人間と同じなんだ。オスはメスを口説く。メスは最初そっけない。しかしやがてオスは力でメスを屈服させ、メスはオスに従うようになる。/ おまえが男尊女卑なことが、これでバレたな。セクシストめ。 question / all wrong / need / point / two / I / basically there's an influx / invaded / Spanish slugs / Britain / exactly like Armada / sort of, uh, lower down / land-based / right / Spanish slugs / tell you / couple of / six / long / monsters / are / edible ones / apetite / Spanish slugs are invading / six inches long / long / seen any / I don't think so / book / python / East Anglia / West Midlands, the New Forest__ / south / and / they hit the capital / unbelievable / modern Spanish armada / they're huge / trail / half / wide / all right / bit / not / you are / well / be / political / this is / you / one point / want / three things / these slugs / eat / two out of three things / answer / buzz / Right. Corcoran. / Salad ... and soft fruits / No. No points. Do you want to try more? / yeah / cabbages and fl__s / no / come on. They've got be eating something, though. / soft / no / soft / diet / list of / three / get / point / corcoran / root crops / and shrubs. / no / be ridiculous / keep / big man / even close / slug / straight / Slug Quiz / hang on. There's nothing left / right / salad / left / no / buzz / Corcoran / like ... like chickens / ball / in / ok / slugs / yeah / OK. / I'm gonna say / specific / yeah / I'm gonna say / you would't even believe it / what / ball / get / I don't know / think / middle of a pond / Ridiculous. / All right / animal, then / give me / farm animal / pigs / All right. / not / clue / get / give / slugs / Spanish / eat mice and each other. / Wow / god / life / a whole lot / new / six inches long / mice / themselves / and meat / six inches long / one inch wide / animal / it / totally si-fi B movie / Awful. / western / broadly going / quite right / I've never seen anything like them" says / dozens / feasting in his / probably / of / on / don't / think / B-movie / killer slugs invade / bleeding m__ / not bleeding / anything / on / suddenly / less scary / bit / Dracula / arguably / whole / wouldn't / hang / before / good / less scary / I've never seen anything like them / feasting / on / dead / only way to stop them to / what / one of th__ blank questions / what / stop / question / stop / salt / resist salt / if you / these / a litter / or whatever it is / five hundred / flip your / neck / whole / press the buzzer / at the moment / no / right / you are in the right ballpark / stump on / pick / next / yeah / gonna tell you / only way / climb / drown / give you half-a-point / answer is spear / I don't know / spear from / only / only / wow / don't try / half a point / cross / do you know / drown / need / keep moist / around / yes / this / just chat / two / million / that's exactly / no / part of the quiz / I buzzed. / chit / ok / good word / last question / how many / 10 seconds / buzz / None. / None? / 50. / 50? / buzz / Three. / 27,000. / No. / 27,00 teeth / half / don't / everyone. Just run.

目下、スペインナメクジは無敵艦隊のごとく英国を侵食しておる。/ スペインナメクジは 27,000 本の歯をもつ。逃げるべし。

if / mornings / 11 till 1.